Grief Club

The moment Mark was pronounced dead, I became a different person. I became the fifth wheel, the one that you had to be careful of what you said when you were near. Don't express happy things, lest I am reminded of my absence, don't say sad things lest I am reminded of my loss. We're naturally social animals (even introverts), and we seek comfort in each other.

It was really hard to hear people bemoaning the loss of the spouse that they had spent their life with. I was grieving the loss of a spouse that I wanted to spend my life with...I was grieving not only what was, but what might have been, what would have been. I craved to be around other people that knew what I was feeling. So, I started going to "young" widow grief support groups.

Here's what I learned. Grief is not a common denominator. I had less in common with these people than I had with many others. We didn't share beliefs - most of them felt that they would not have survived their loss without religion. We didn't share lifestyles - most of them had children. There is a multitude of positive interests that we each had, but we didn't share them. Instead, the only thing we had in common was the saddest part of our lives.

I finally realized...grief is no longer my main attribute. I am not merely a widow. I am a survivor.

We're all survivors. We have choices. We can stay in the dark, or we can walk into the light. Put your sunglasses on, and leave the darkness. Somewhere out there, there is joy waiting for you.