Politics, Love & Heartache

It's now almost 11 a.m., it's an almost perfect late fall day in Minnesota, and I've spent almost all of it so far alternately trying to forget about the space next to me in bed that is now occupied only by "the dog", and crying because I still miss Mark.

It seems like everything near and far is falling apart - Wall street, unemployment, even people in my neighborhood of "achievers" struggling to keep what we all thought was the "American Dream". The American dream turned into the American nightmare. We became a nation of full of Ipods , stainless steel appliances, and pseudo-designer labels, and we're hollow on the inside. We're willing to kill men, women, and children (and killing a man is just as bad as killing a woman or a baby), just to keep our fat oversized SUV's going to the strip mall where we can buy more crap to fill the void in our empty lives. I used to wonder when the Romans realized their empire was crumbling. Their expansion and greed were the seeds of their own demise. I feel that on both a personal and national level. I think we are in the midst of history. The first African-American will be elected, and unfortunately it will be too little, too late. We've denied This is the end of our empire. My empire has been gone for months...I can either wallow in the ruins or start to rebuild. I'm not sure which I'm going to do yet.

I bought the American Dream...at least I had it on lay-away. I've got too much shit, way too much shit. I've only spent two months of my marriage living authentically; the two months between when Mark almost died and when he did. During that time my energy wasn't wasted on stuff - it was devoted to people. I decided to forgive those that had harmed me the most. I forgave those that many people (including Mark) said were unforgivable. I did it for myself, for Mark, and for the child that we thought we would have. There was no way I could clearly love with the same heart that bore hatred/anger towards others.

Mark frequently said that it would be worth sacrificing his life if he could take out Bush and Cheney (and their whole corrupt administration). We often think of those things that we would DIE for, but what/who would we LIVE for?

We go around thinking we can each just do our job, go home, watch reality tv, and somehow the whole world works. It isn't working. It isn't enough. If you truly love, you've got to do something for the larger world. Volunteer, vote, do something more.