Music moves the soul

Anyone who knew Mark in the least knew that he loved music. Not like many of us... he was truly touched by it. I thought that I was passionate about music...his love eclipsed mine. He told me that he knew he was going to marry me when I mentioned that I loved Nick Cave. Mark wasn't an emotionally repressed man - but music nonetheless expressed things that he couldn't, which is odd because he was a literate man with an extensive vocabulary. He could hear things in music that would evade anyone else's ears.

There is a love song of Buddy Holly's that Mark put on our Wedding CD. Buddy met his wife and it was love at first sight. They moved to NYC and while he was recording this song his wife was vacuuming in the background. Mark was moved to tears that he could hear the sound of the vacuum (which I never could hear) - the sound of a woman going about her daily business, oblivious to the love that her husband is expressing.

I often think back to how oblivious I was to the many ways that Mark expressed himself. He wasn't "Mr. Industrious", but if anything involved bending over (which can be painful for me at times), he simply did it. He fed and watered the dogs every day. He always stocked the soda cans in the fridge. He also made me coffee every morning. There were so many ways...and while I never took him for granted, like Mrs. Holly, I did get wrapped up in the day to day chores...all the "must do's" that we create for ourselves. I would be "focusing on the vacuuming", while Mark was "singing a love song" about me. Ironically, Mrs. Holly also lost her husband suddenly and young.

I often told Mark that I would live in a tent with him and the dogs. I wish I would have evolved to understanding and telling him that I could have lived in this house in a messy state with him. I wasted so much time cleaning and working in the yard, when what Mark really just wanted was for me to be with him. The house may be a little cleaner now...but it's no longer a home.

Over the last week I've been listening to a new CD by an artist that Mark & I both like - "Mr. Love and Justice" by Billy Bragg. The title seems fitting for Mark - nothing p'd off Mark as much as injustice - and the Love part...I've already explained. I highly recommend this CD, but at times the songs are more than I can bear. The first song "I Keep Faith" is particularly touching. I just bought the CD a week ago - and if I didn't know better I would believe that Mark is singing to me though this song. I listened to it today...and like every day I yearned to have him here. I'd make any deal....just bring him back.

We have choices. We can choose to focus on all the "shiny objects" in our lives...the lists, the must-haves, gotta dos, or we can listen to the love songs that are going on around us. Just today....listen to the love songs. You may be surprised at what you hear.

Natalia