I took Mark home from the ICU at Fairview Ridges hospital a year ago yesterday. I had no idea that he would have only two more months to live - nobody did. I just know that everyday that I wake up I think that a year ago...Mark was right next to me. A year ago maybe we could have done something to save him. Mark's death seemed sudden and unexpected, but in retrospect it was a death of a million cuts.
I'm darker than I have ever been. I really don't know if I can do this anymore. Every morning when I wake up (if I ever sleep), I silently think to myself "what fresh hell awaits me today". Every day is filled with reminders of him, of us...and its hell.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
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