It just doesn't get easier with time. It gets worse. I miss Mark more than ever.
More and more things happen that I wish Mark were a part of. Our country is changing finally, and in a direction that Mark would be so excited to see. More nights go by that I wish I could hear him laughing as he watched a puerile tv show. More nights in bed that I miss those incredible conversations...what we wanted for our lives, our loved ones and our world.
Less things make sense. Mark had just scratched the surface of what he had to offer the world. I have less reason for being. My future as I envision was intrinsically linked to being Mark's wife. "Me" ten years ago would have been horrified by that statement, but the present "me" knows that being Mark's wife is an honor. I have less certainty that there is a god. What kind of god would have done this?
The world continues all around me. People are falling in love, getting married, having children, and unfortunately getting divorced. My life has stood pretty much still since July 22nd. I don't know how to restart it, and I'm not always sure that I want to.
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Mark Halvin was born 9/15/64. I met Mark in June of 1999. He spent two months trying to persuade me to go on a real date, which we finally did on 08/11/99. We married two years later. He passed away unexpectedly on 7/22/08. He was my best friend and my soul mate. He had more virtues than I can enumerate. He was loved dearly, and influenced the lives of more people than he realized. The most important people often live and die in relative anonymity. Mark was important, and he was loved.
1 comment:
I love you Natalia. I have not checked on here for a while. I know that other stuff going on around you right now is hard. I feel bad. I know in my heart of hearts that Marks sees you, feels you and sends his love to you, I just know this. It does not have to be about God. Maybe we just are what we are. Maybe we do not need or ever have had a God. We can go on to the next life and still exist. I am sorry about your father. He sees you and he loves you too. Nothing will ever change your love for Mark and what you two had. I have a quote some where for you and I will find it and send it to you. I think it was Rose Kennedy. I wish I could heal your pain. Be strong when you can and be weak when you need to be. I love you and we all need you here. For now you are here with us. Love Lilly
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