Out of the mouths of babes

I'm not sure what I would have done without my neighbors, Chris and Rich. From the moment I stumbled out of the house as the paramedics tried to bring back Mark, Chris was there. She stayed for hours that day. One of the few bright spots in the last few months has been getting to know their family better, and our frequent visits. Not only have they done many kind things for me, but more importantly they are kind, good people.

Last week their 3 year old daughter, Cally, was in our driveway when she heard sirens and said that someone's in trouble. Having the distinct memory of sirens, an ambulance, firemen and policemen pulling up en masse in my driveway weeks before...her words felt like a punch to my stomach. She was right though, someone was in trouble. Whether they were being chased, or they needed assistance, they were in trouble. I used to silently wish someone well every time I heard a siren. Now I cringe...the sirens have become personal. I know what it feels like to hear them coming toward my house, to hear them in the distance and then get louder and louder, until there's a loud knock at your door. I want it all to be just a bad dream. I try to ignore sirens now. I turn up the radio, hum to myself....anything. Kids don't say things in nuances. They say the simple. Someone's in trouble. She was right.

Then this week Cally was playing in the dirt when she offhandedly asked me why Mark got sick. I don't know why! I've asked WHY a million fricking times! But I'm asking in a completely different sense. He got sick because some cruel power decided that just when things were coming together for him, he should be struck down. Just as he was coming out of a long bout of depression, and reclaiming himself, he was wiped out. Just when we had started to work out how to handle our individual and joint weaknesses, he's gone. Just as his career was heading toward an exciting time of growth, he vanishes. I will never have another soul mate like him. I will never have someone who unconditionally loved me like him. And I will never have a three year old daughter with beautiful blue eyes who will ask me simple questions that will stump me.

So, the answer was that "Mark had an owie that we didn't know about". It seemed to satisfy her...if only it satisfied me.

Treasure your loved ones - poverty with someone you love...is rich, wealth without your loved one is worthless.
Natalia